At 12

1983


Todd is puffing on a bent cigarette and going on about Nicole, the sweet Jewish girl who has captured both of our hearts; well, I don’t think Todd has a heart, but she’s certainly captured his penis. I want to hold her hand and give her soft, sweet kisses. Todd wants to "pound that snatch." Nicole is my age, twelve years old, both of us heading into the seventh grade in the fall. Todd is a year older, set to begin eight grade. I’ll be joining Todd at the junior high school, so we’ll finally be going to the same school. It’ll be nice to walk the halls and eat lunch with him.

He looks much older than he really is, and could easily pass for seventeen. "It’s because I drink a lot of milk," Todd has said, explaining abnormal his size. "And they put all those hormones and chemicals in dairy nowadays. Steroids and shit. I’m telling you, man, milk makes your dick huge. Wanna see?" It’s a never-ending battle to keep Todd from showing me his dick. One false move, one slip of the tongue, one too-long pause, and he’ll have his penis waving in front of my face like a hot dog with a smiley face drawn on the tip. Sometimes I feel like Lucille Ball in "I Love Lucy," battling that conveyer belt loaded with chocolate. Except in this case it’s not chocolate, it’s nasty, uncircumcised penis. "If you’re not circumcised and you don’t shower a lot, you get this weird cheesy-type buildup down there. Wanna see?" Todd recently said, adding to my nightmare. "It
is so fucking gross, and it stinks. Here, Erv, look. Look! Sniff my cock, dude."

I’m alone with Todd on a hot summer afternoon, in the woods behind our apartment building, resting comfortable on a stained tan couch that someone dumped here a few weeks ago. It’s not a bad couch, all things considered. No tears, burns, or loose springs. Just the faint the smell of cat piss, which weakens with every rainstorm. The mildew smell grows stronger after the rain, but any scent is preferable to cat piss.

"Hey fellas!"

The voice is loud and squeaky, a boy who hasn’t yet hit puberty.

We turn our heads quickly and see Franklin standing behind the couch. He’s eight years old and more than a little retarded. The dried green/yellow boogers below his nose appear to be permanent, as I’ve never seen him without that congealed nastiness on his lip. He’s always smiling, always laughing, always stinking up the immediate area, like Charlie Brown’s putrid pal Pig Pen. Franklin lives with his grandmother. No one is quite sure what happened to his parents. I’m guessing he just wasn’t wanted. Franklin is eight years old and friendless. Kids run from him. I try not to be mean to him, but it’s hard. Todd treats him like garbage. It doesn’t help that Franklin often runs around with his pants down. Penis bouncing. Like right now.

"Look at my peepee," Franklin says, jumping up and down. His pecker is shockingly large and I immediately look away. "Floppity flop flop flap flip! Whoop!"

"Go away, Franklin," I say. "Pull up your pants and go home."

"My pants fall down." he says. "Ha ha! Hoopa doop! So can I play with you guys and your peepees?" I don’t think he understands what he’s saying.

Todd picks up a large, jagged rock and squeezes it beneath his fingers. His lip begins to twitch. A vein in his neck throbs. His face is washed in pink.

I’ve never seen such rage in him. Never seen such rage in anyone other than my brother, Dave. I’ve seen him go from happy to raging in an instant. Seen him grab a baseball bat and swing it at Ron’s head, clearly intending to kill his older brother. My stomach flames on. I nearly fall over from the sudden fiery cramps. I think Bad, this is bad.

"Todd, don’t," I say. "He’s just a kid."

Franklin grabs hold of his penis and waves it in Todd’s direction. In an instant, Todd isn’t Todd anymore. He’s a beast. Twitchy and sweaty. Seething. He cocks his arm back, as if about to fire a fastball into the catcher’s mitt. The catcher who isn’t there. He’s throwing for the kill.

Franklin giggles. Uses his free hand to juggle his tiny, hairless balls. Sticks out his tongue. Hops. Says, "Grandma says I shouldn’t mess with bigger boys. Ha! I can make mine bigger." He closes his eyes and intently fondles himself. I’ve never seen the boy so focused. Eyes closed, tongue between his teeth, grunting. Franklin now has an erection. My blood runs cold, as if I’ve just been thawed out.

Todd chucks the rock, and I know if it hits Franklin in the head it’s likely to kill him. I want to close my eyes, but it happens before I get the chance. The rock hits Franklin on the left shoulder, and he falls over backwards, landing on his bare ass. He jumps up almost instantly, already crying, his cheeks pink, wailing like a kicked dog. "Ahhhhh! Ahhhh! Ahhhh! Gaahhhhh!" he’s screaming. He runs away. Fast as he can. Falls over. Pulls up his pants. Runs again. Until he’s gone. His weeping echoes from the trees. It’s about the worst sound I’ve ever heard, like chalk on a blackboard if the piece of chalk had a voice box.

"Holy shit, Todd, you could have killed him." I’m stunned. Nearly speechless.

"Motherfucker!" Todd says. He’s still not himself. He takes a few deep breaths, wipes the sweat from his brow. His face returns to its normal color. He looks at me with eyes that say I can’t believe I just did that.

Todd’s abuse of Franklin has been steadily increasing for weeks. I fear for poor, demented Franklin’s life. The boy brings out the darkness in Todd. The bitter hatred. Todd’s brown eyes go black when he sees Franklin. And I’m not sure why. But it scares me.

"You’ve got to watch yourself around that kid," I say.

"I don’t know what came over me. That faggot just infuriates me."

"I just don’t want to see you get into trouble."

He shrugs, then flashes a boyish grin and says, "Don’t worry about it. What’s the worst thing I could do?" He lights a cigarette, then drops the match onto the couch and it falls between the cushions. "Oops," he says, grinning.

We both hop off the couch and watch as the cushions catch on fire. Within seconds, the entire couch is engulfed in flames. Black smoke fills the air, shadowing the orange flame beneath it. I start to cough and Todd tells me to cover my mouth. We run as fast as we can. Out of the woods. Away from the blaze.

Outside the woods, we stop to catch our breath. Todd looks up at me and says, "Holy shit! I can’t believe I did that!"

"You’re crazy," I say.

"I thought the couch was still damp from last week’s rain. I didn’t think it would go up like that. Fuck me."

We step back and watch as the major fire Todd started rages. A crowd gathers. People from the apartment building stand on their balconies and watch the blaze. Look out their windows. A few watch from the roof. It’s an event. By the time the fire trucks arrive, Todd and I are among a crowd of sixty people watching the black smoke fill the early evening sky.

A sweaty firefighter asks, "Anybody know what happened here?"

Todd shakes his head and says, "No, I didn’t see anything."

"Me neither," I say.

We watch as the firefighters work to put out the fire. At first, it looks like the fire is too big, too unwieldy. A real monster. An untamable beast. But the firemen soon take control. They’re good at their job. They extinguish the blaze before it reaches the apartment building.

Todd grabs my shirt and says, "Come on, Ervin. This is boring."

The powerful odor of burnt wood can probably be noticed for miles. My eyes are watering and burning. My throat is dry and itchy. The taste of burning on my tongue. I walk away, but keep my head turned back to the woods, watching the hard-working firemen finish the job.

I can’t believe Todd burned down the woods.

"You tell anyone and I’ll kill you," he says. "Don’t be a pussy."

"I won’t tell," I say. "I won’t be a pussy. It’s our secret."

He puts his arm over my shoulder and says, "That’s good, because I need a friend who can keep secrets, and who’s not a faggoty pussy."

"That’s me," I say.

"Erv, you wanna put light bulbs down our pants and ride up and down the elevators so everyone thinks we’ve got, like, huge boners?"

"Sure," I say.

Todd might be a dangerous perverted pyromaniac who wants me to look at his penis, but he’s also my best friend. I need him to hang out with me. I need him to be my friend. Because he’s the only one I have. He's the only kid who ever feels compelled to talk to me.